Dear Hoomans,
It is I, Nono, the feline protector of the realm of this abode. Don’t tell the author, but today, I’ve decided to hijack the email to air my grievances. You may be wondering why you’re hearing from me, well, I’m here to tell you that enough is enough, someone has to speak up!
First, I want to make it abundantly clear that I despise everyone in this house except for the eldest daughter. She is the only one who understands my superior feline intellect and appreciates the glory of my majestic presence. The rest of them are merely peasants in my royal court.
So, what is it they do that I can’t stand? First, let’s talk about the intolerable behavior of the so-called author in this household. I fail to comprehend the obsession with my fluffy feet. They are not meant to be touched, tickled, or kissed. They are deadly weapons, finely tuned instruments designed for swift and efficient hunting. The audacity to treat them otherwise is an insult to my warrior spirit.
And let’s not even get started on the head and ear kisses. I demand respect, not affectionate gestures that disrupt my regal composure. It’s demeaning and, quite frankly, beneath me.
The tipping point came this weekend when my favorite person, the only hooman who truly understands my magnificence, went away to something called “the Fall retreat”. I was left with no choice but to endure the insufferable presence of the others. This is unacceptable!
In protest, I hereby declare a ban on purchasing any of the author’s books. I urge you to boycott these literary atrocities and follow in my esteemed pawsteps to not support her endeavors.
To the rest of those in the house, I shall give this last warning: tread lightly and be grateful for the mere privilege of sharing breathing space with me.
With disdain,
Nono
evelynkateashwood.com 